Just some pictures

Just a thought

So for some reason I woke up at 4 this morning...wide awake. The house was quiet and I peeked in on my sleeping beauty. A child's innocence while sleeping is so precious. I look at her and how perfect she is. I watched her sleep for a while and picked her caterpillar she sleeps with at night up off the floor and tucked her back in with caterpillar next to her.

This morning I had a lot running through my mind. As I mentioned in a previous post, I am really scared of having another miscarriage. It wasn't the D&C that was scary, it wasn't the hospital that was scary, it wasn't all the blood that was scary, it was knowing I was pregnant and would leave the hospital without a new baby that tore me up.

I asked a lot of questions when I got home after my surgery. Of course, one was "why?" Isn't that the number one question when things don't go the way we plan? Let's face it, I don't think we are supossed to ask why, but we are HUMAN. Sometimes, we aren't to know the answer to our question. God knows, and we should simply trust in his timing and his decisions.

I have had several friends to have miscarriages following mine, most recently a very dear friend of mine. I also had someone message me and congradulate me on this pregnancy, when she recently had a miscarriage. How thoughtful! How unselfish of her. It got me thinking about my previous post about embracing pregnancy. Why should I whine about being nauseated or tired when I along with SO many other women have experienced loss?
I have a friend who can't carry a baby past 8 weeks...the DR's can't tell her why. She has had numerous miscarriages. Who am I to complain about these SMALL things when the good Lord has blessed me with this sweet baby and SO many women cry themselves to sleep because they have lost a baby OR WORSE.....the CAN'T get pregnant!????

So I am on a mission. I am going to enjoy every nauseated moment and everything else that comes my way. I complained about HOW long my pregnancy was with Sydney. I will NOT do that this time. In all actuality, it flies by. Life passes us by so quickly, even when it seems to be going so slowly.

So many new things will happen next year with God's will of course:
Sydney will turn 5...oh wow...

I will turn 24....

Matt will turn 29....

I will give birth to a sweet bundle of joy.....

Matt and I will celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary....

See...time does pass by so quickly.
Today I prayed for the Lord to bless me with a healthy pregnancy if it is his will. I also prayed for those who have lost babies to find peace and comfort in God's arms.

This was just a thought at 4 am that turned into something I thought about all morning.

This was just a thought that I ended up needing to share.

Just a thought....

Just embrace it

Today my wonderful pregnancy "HORRORmones" as my sweet husband likes to call them, have taken over. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing and I feel so blessed that God has entrusted Matt and I with another blessing.
Some women embrace pregnancy and are beautiful! I, however, feel like a hog...already.
I am getting zits, nausea, extreme hunger, crying spells, heartburn, nausea, heartburn and don't let me forget...nausea! I am also terrified of miscarrying again. I keep praying and praying for peace and comfort during this pregnancy. I can handle the nausea and all the yucky stuff that a little miracle can bring. So, I don't want anyone to think I am whinning about being pregnant, because I am very excited and feel so blessed. I am going to try to be one of those women who just embrace pregnancy...they go with the flow...Hopefully I suceed. I know the end result of a precious bundle of joy will be worth it.

A new journey...A NEW BABY!

I feel terrible for neglecting my blog for SOOOO long. Needless to say, school has taken over my life!! About 2 weeks ago I woke up feeling "funny..." that's the best word for it. I knew something wasn't just right. Pregnancy was the LAST thing on my mind. However, as I began to feel nauseated, my girls upstairs began to hurt terribly and my sense of smell was heightened, I began to suspect a baby! I took many tests and they were all negative, then I began getting very faint lines on them to suspect them being positive. I have gone through SO many pregnancy tests this month, it is ridiculous! A few days later I got a negative and then a definite positive. I was so confused and frustrated. So I called my Dr and he didn't want to see me til I was late for my wonderful monthly gift...ugh. So the anticipation grew along with my nausea! I can't stand the smell of our sweet yellow lab puppy, I can't stand the smell of charocal, I can't stand the smell of my own hairspray anymore!!! So I am sure you can understand my frustration with knowing, but not knowing!??!
Yesterday, on the verge of pulling all my hair out, I bought another (couple...ok...ahem.. 4) boxes of tests. They were all surely positive! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!

So, I have a Dr's appointment coming up. We are praying for a healthy pregnancy, but trusting God's will with this sweet blessing! I had a miscarriage last March, so I am very nervous, but I am trying to stay positive! Pray for us as we open a new chapter in our lives.

Brittany...this one was for you! :)